It’s been a while since I wrote anything on this blog. Let alone, write another poem. I guess it was you who sparked (Remember Ruby Sparks?) that inner-writer in me and not having you, burned down that side of me back in the confines of my subconscious.
I’m not even sure if you will even ever read this or go back to this link. So, I’m leaving this open and probably once in a while post my thoughts, desires and dreams that I will never share with anyone else (that I know in the real walking world) but you.
I never really had the chance to explain myself. You know how impulsive I can get. You understood my stubbornness and my cravings for attention. But I failed to understand you then. All I wanted then was the attention you used to give me and how you made me feel so important and special. I love it when you go out of your way just to be with me. How you would travel for hours just to share a few minutes of bliss with me or just hand me over your Christmas gift. I’m sorry that I didn’t see that when you handed me my birthday gift because I was already pre-occupied with how to make you choose... I wanted too much to be the center of your attention that everything blurred out of proportion. I got used to the idea of being in your pedestal, with you next to me, that any other way was not acceptable. And all the time I was longing for you, attention from someone else was given to me. I guess I thought I could make you so jealous that you would fight for me to come back. I thought that you would pursue me just like whenever I ask to end our bound-to-be-doomed relationship. But that time, I guess you finally got tired. We were already doomed. And I failed.
Then, for a while I thought I found the attention you once have given me in him, but I forgot that every new relationship always starts with a spark and the excitement of the getting-to-know experience may falter after a few months. Now I’m trapped and I can’t get out. I wish he had your intelligence, eloquence and inner-strength, your belief in women empowerment, your taste in music, and how we exchanged and spoke in poetry in words and actions, and those little things that made me crave and almost beg for you... But I guess all I can do is just make the most out of what I have now, and accept and appreciate what the fates have in store for us. Because I still believe, that everything happens for a reason.
I’m writing you now to air out what my conscience have been tormenting me to say. But my cowardice still taunts me and I guess writing here would at least lessen this overpowering feeling...
I’m deeply sorry for leaving and not understanding you during the time when you needed to be understood the most. I’m sorry for not being patient with you as you were (and still are) with me. I’m sorry for being too selfish, and for having the tendency to be obsessed with the kind of relationship that we had. I’m sorry for ending up pouring water over the fire of our emotions instead of patiently waiting for our flame to illuminate in the open. But despite of it all, you remained to be calm and rational. How do you do that, I don’t know, but very thankful you are like that. And thank you, thank you, for still being my friend and confidant. Thank you for being the silent shadow who constantly gives time to listen to my woes, complaints and rants, even in the middle of the night. Too bad though, that I can’t share dreams and desires with you anymore, those dreams and desires that we can both conquer together. But I am not bitter, nor resentful. I am happy for you now. Now, that you have found another girl that will fill up that space that I left behind and probably even more. She is so lucky. I sincerely hope that you two will truly be happy together.
I hope you don’t mind if I attach this song here. This song will forever leave a mark on me. The memories of our rollercoaster passion may fade in time, but one thing’s for sure... You will always be my greatest love. We simply just have to accept the fact that some things just can’t be. Thank you for the friendship, and those wonderful two years. I wouldn’t wish for anything else, other than for your true happiness.
With all my Love,
Your old Flame
photo credit: Abby Ross
Posts
nonymous... It’s been a while since I wrote anything on this blog. Let alone, write another poem. I guess it was you who sparked (...){kind=link}
0 Comments
i love to chat and read about your own twisted thoughts. c'mon dont be scared to share them! i won't bite. in fact, if you have a blog or site, i'll surely visit and comment back. ★