It has been over 2 years since I last visited this blog. But I know that I will always come back. There are many memories that I would like to return to while there are ones that I would like to forget. But however hard I try, even burying my head in a bucket full of obligations, some memories will always just be there hiding behind the façade of hectic schedules and mindless wasted time.
During my absence, I joined a support group which I came to love and hate. Sometimes it felt good to vent out and help out those who would like to talk to someone. But there are times that I feel their stories are creating an atmosphere of negativity around me which I can’t afford to succumb into. I noticed that the more I was into the group, the more my demons kept coming back. I found that distancing myself from time to time helps. And one way to avoid being devoured by the negativity was to step back for a while.
Then, one day someone approached me and told me she wanted to kill herself. My numbness suddenly vanished and I tried my best to help her. After the ordeal, she got proper medical help and got better. We instantly became friends.
One of her therapies was to create art and I volunteered to help. With that, I had to write down my story, but it took a while for me to start. For one, I didn’t know where to begin. Until the news came that Dolores O'Riordan died and possibly killed herself. I’ve been a fan of The Cranberries since my teens and this came as a shock. I found out that she too have been hiding from her demons all these years.
I then dug up my old records and played them. Her voice was hauntingly beautiful and this time, it echoes even more now that she was gone.
Suddenly, I found myself writing my story down. I finally got the courage to face my past and document the heartbreaks. During the process of writing and re-reading what I have written, I kept on remembering more and continued to edit and reread until it reached three pages. I felt that there were more that I should write down, but these were details that I know would be too graphic. But I decided to write it all down for a different platform. Besides, a summary was all that was required, so I finished it and gave my story to my friend.
Now, my story has been told.
Well, at least a fraction of it. My next post would be the story, Waking up from Darkness.
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photo credit: The woman and the bird by Marie Laigneau
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i love to chat and read about your own twisted thoughts. c'mon dont be scared to share them! i won't bite. in fact, if you have a blog or site, i'll surely visit and comment back. ★