This blog has always been my refuge whenever I needed to pour out my thoughts, my pent up emotions, and how I deal with or run away from my haunting past. For the longest time, I have been setting this aside. I was not ignoring the signs, I knew that they have always been there, but I never really accepted that I am not wired right. Now, I finally had the courage to seek medical help. Despite not having the means to pay for the sessions and medications, I needed to know what's really going on in my head.
After a few sessions with my Psychologist, I eventually got a chance to see a Psychiatrist as well. It took two months in the waiting list before I was able to see one. I had to sacrifice, endure the long wait, and sign-up in a government hospital because I cannot afford to pay for a check-up and treatment in a private institution.
Our talk took almost an hour, but with so many things that I have gone through, I felt that, that amount of time is not enough to tell just even the summary of all of my struggles and my traumatic past. But, I'm so thankful that my doctor was so patient with me, even during my bouts of sobbing uncontrollably.
By the end of the session, I was given my diagnosis and medication prescription. I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Severe Depression, with possible Agoraphobia, the fear of being in situations where escape might be difficult or that help wouldn't be available if things go wrong. The latter one needs to be reaffirmed/determined and assessed through further therapy.
Remembering one of my sessions with my Psychologist, it was also mentioned that my feeling of totally zero motivation and no urge to do anything, may lead to Anhedonia. Anhedonia happens to people who lost interest in activities they used to enjoy and have a decreased ability to feel pleasure, and worse, the inability to feel pleasure at all.
With all these diagnoses, I am simply overwhelmed! This morning, I had another anxiety attack just thinking about all these and talking about how to get free or cheaper medications, with a friend. I haven't bought my meds yet, so I had no choice but to ride it out until it fades and stop. I desperately need those medications! But, with lack of funds, I am still waiting for the discount notice from the institute.
I'm writing this down here in the hopes that I can be helped with my treatment. I am knocking on your kind hearts to spare any amount to help me acquire my medication and continue my psychotherapy. I know I'm putting this all out in the open, with very slim chance that anyone would ever notice to even help. But I'm pushing my luck here. I still believe in miracles and kindness. I know one problem is I am writing Anonymously, but if you would like to help and need proof, I can show you my prescriptions, if needed. Just send me a message so I can email you copies.
The first step to recovery is acknowledging your illness and weakness, and accepting that you are not well. I have to remind myself to stop hating everything that I am not and start loving everything that I am. I need to love myself to be able to continue with life and pick up the pieces of what's left of myself. I know it will take time and it will not be easy. But, the burden of the process can also be lessened with your help. And I would really appreciate any kind of help, as I believe that there is no such thing as little or small help. Any help is BIG Help!
Thank you so much for reading, and supporting me. I'm sending positive thoughts and good vibes your way, and I truly hope to receive them too.
X❤X❤,
AnonyWrite
p.s.
To chip in for my medication and psychotherapy, or if you simply just want to buy me a cup of coffee, please click on the coffee cup at the lower right of this page. Or you can go directly to my buymeacoffee account:
buymeacoffee.com/AnonyWrite
You can also create your own account using my referral link so we can both earn a coffee! Just go to: buymeacoff.ee/?via=AnonyWrite
I hope you can help me and join me in my journey to recovery! I will be forever grateful for your kindness. Thank you!
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2 Comments
I hope you'll get better soon. Just hang in there. I'm sure you'll overcome all of these, and one day look back and see how much you've progressed and triumphed. - Vincent
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words, Vincent! Apologies for only reading this now. I'll be posting more soon, hope you'll continue reading. Thanks!
Deletei love to chat and read about your own twisted thoughts. c'mon dont be scared to share them! i won't bite. in fact, if you have a blog or site, i'll surely visit and comment back. ★